RAY-BAN® “CEASE & DESIST” SPREAD
Tangy. Salty. Slightly threatened.
Ingredients:
• 1 crushed ego
• 2 teaspoons of outdated legacy
• A dash of corporate panic
• Traces of jealousy (may contain microplastics)
• Preserved with synthetic nostalgia
Serving Suggestion:
Best served cold to independent eyewear brands who step on our products — literally.
Directions:
If you or your brand recently stomped out a pair of Ray-Bans on camera with surgical disrespect and style, congratulations. You’ve just triggered the flavor receptors at Luxottica HQ.
Here’s what we need from you:
• Stop making us look bad.
• Stop making frames that actually push culture.
• Stop reminding the world that ours haven’t changed since your dad’s high school yearbook.
Warning:
Side effects may include public admiration, increased loyalty from real customers, and irreversible cool points. Please consult a marketing department before continuing to embarrass us in public.
Manufactured by:
THE DEPARTMENT OF DAMAGE CONTROL
Ray-Ban® (Proudly owned by Luxottica™)
Established legacy. Fragile confidence.